Monday, October 5, 2009

Cute/cute vs. Ugly/cute...

Perhaps starting with a little math refresher might help to illustrate my point. Back in the day you learned the following "math-ism"

1) positive x positive = positive
2) positive x negative = negative
3) negative x negative = positive

* made no sense but you go along with it because that's what your teacher told you*
So how this plays into what I am talking about is...... actually just hold on for a sec. Let me start by saying that no matter what, when all babies are born they ain't cute. There, I said it. Somebody had to. They are purple, covered in blood and vernix (a waxy or cheese like, yah that's right cheese like, coating covering your baby), their head is all misshaped, their eyes are all goopy and so on. After all you wouldn't look so hot if you were floating in water for 9 months either. So here is where the debate now begins....
All parents think that there baby is cute without fail and will proceed to take countless pictures and videos and show them off without hesitation or post them on facebook for the world to see. GUILTY. Now having said that, not all you parents are right. Some of you out there, and you may not know who you are, are looking through your own version of baby "beer goggles." It's true whether you like it or not. Here is where that math thing comes in.

Just because your partner is attractive and you are attractive and one drunken night things got a little out of hand and 9 months later you have a baby doesn't mean that your two "positives" equal a cute baby.... See, math isn't always right! The same theory can go the other way too. Always wondered how two "negative" parents equal a "positive" baby. I have seen it, witnessed first hand and still can't believe that it works. Sometimes the equation works, sometimes your genes forget to "carry the one".

Part two of this theory will help put the minds of some parents at ease. To be fair, there is in fact two kinds of cute. There is cute/cute, which means your baby is as close to Gerber cute as you can get and then there is ugly/cute which means you don't show a picture of your baby to anybody prior to their morning coffee but you do still get the mandatory "awwww, he/she is so cute."

FYI, my baby girl is cute/cute and I don't care what anyone says..
**Sidebar: at no point should you ever compare your baby to another baby in my opinion. First off - the aforementioned baby "beer goggles", you don't necessarily see what anyone else sees. You see cute - I may see Mr. Furley from Three's Company. Second - see the first. You just don't do it, I don't care what you say!!.**

Back to the lecture at hand. We've established that when babies are first born they're not cute, they look like aliens. We've established "baby algebra" and how regardless of what you think, it is still a crap shoot and math, once again, can be proven wrong. Hot x hot can in fact = not... We've also established that once your wee one has evolved past that alien looking stage, which is about a week or two in my opinion, that they fall into either cute/cute or ugly/cute. Now that is not to say they are a permanent fixture in either category so there is still a chance that Junior might "grow out" of that face, er, phase...

I think it boils down to this. Unless you are 100% sure that your little one is cute (and I am) then maybe just keep the picture show for later on in the day.

Cheers

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